Oil's well that ends . . . well, if it ends

D.D., a Chicago reader, writes:

"Now that oil reserves have been found in Cuba, isn't it abouttime to rid that country of its brutal dictator?"

You are being cynical.

We would have freed Iraq, for example, if it had been a nation oflemon farmers.

Well. You know. Wouldn't we?

It's the principle

The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators(cont'd):

A 10-year-old boy who found a realistic toy gun on the ground andtook it immediately to his principal at Oakwood Manor ElementarySchool in Kansas City, Mo., was suspended because, in taking therealistic toy gun immediately to his principal, he was, for a fewmoments, in possession of a realistic toy gun.

Uncle Sam goes wanting

News Headline: "National Guard falling short of recruiting goals."

News Headline: "Marines miss January goal for recruits."

News Headline: "Recruiting tough going amid Iraq war."

If this continues, the time may come for partial privatization.

The frisky 50s

News Item: "People born in the peak year of the baby boom, 1957,turn 48 this year, and millions of those who came immediately beforethat, in the giddy ramping up of fertility during the Eisenhoweradministration, have already charged into their 50s."

We will always remember the Eisenhower years for their giddyramping up of fertility.

Keep trying

News Item: Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld says he tried twiceto resign during the Abu Ghraib scandal.

They say the third time is the charm.

Tapping into a trend

George Stenson, a Kanazawa, Japan, reader, regarding recenttesting of Internet search engines by other readers using the phrase"tap-dancing militant Islamic fundamentalists," writes:

"I did a search for 'tap-dancing Islamic fundamentalists' onGoogle, Yahoo, Microsoft MSN and the Sun-Times archive. In the searchengine wars, it is Google 6, Sun-Times 1, Yahoo 0 and MSN 0.Congratulations. You are number two."

The score for "lap-dancing militant Islamic fundamentalists,"meanwhile, is Google 4, Yahoo 2, MSN 1, Sun-Times 1.

More research is needed.

Rehab U

We Have Seen the Present, and It Does Not Work:

Case Western University has established a dormitory for itsrecovering alcoholics and drug addicts.

Just beat it

News Item: Geraldo Rivera says he will shave off his mustache inprotest if Michael Jackson is found guilty.

Now perhaps people will start to take this trial seriously.

Looking ahead

QT News You Can Use:

The next year that will read the same upside-down and rightside-up will be 6009, for those who wish they had paid attention in 1961.

Hanging on

News Headline: "Granny left dangling from 100-foot drawbridge."

There must be an interesting story behind that.

Must be an anagram here

Day Before Yesterday's Birthdays: Ugo Betti, 113; Yrjo Kilpinen,113.

Coincidence?

You ashed for it

For readers who continue to seek reassurance regarding theYellowstone Caldera, which erupts every 640,000 or so years and lasterupted 642,000 years ago, and the eruptions of which can be violentenough to send a layer of ash 6 feet deep as far away as Chicago, QTcan report that everything is quiet.

Too quiet.

QT is at qt@suntimes.com.